Tempations
by Clydell Humphries
Summary: Jacob was going through a rough time in Eclipse. Here are his thoughts one day, when temptations almost got the better of him. Contains cutting and a slightly depressed Jake. One-shot.


**I think something Stephanie Meyer didn't go into enough in the book 'Eclipse' was the rough time Jacob was going through. I mean, so many things were happening to him and they were underrated. So here is a kinda depressing story about what goes on in his head one day, when the temptations almost got the better of him.**

**I don't own Twilight, it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. If I did own it then I wouldn't be writing fanfiction for it... der!**

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I looked around me, wondering what to do. I drummed my fingers on the table in a pathetic attempt to entertain myself. It didn't work though, I was still bored.

And tired.

Not sleep-like tired. More fed up sort of tired.

I was sick of being second best. Fed up with being treated like a slave. And just plain frustrated that Bella just _didn't_ get the point.

I was in love with her. She knew it, but denied it. Just like she was denying my existence, or the fact that I was better for her than that bloodsucker. She pretended everything was fine. But in reality, it wasn't. Nothing was ok in my world.

On the outside, I was a fun loving person, the guy with the sense of humour that didn't let anybody get on his nerves. The one that stayed strong when things got tough. But on the inside, I was nothing. A feeble child, wanting to cry out for help, with tears flowing down his cheeks.

But I stayed silent. After all, who could I tell? Would would care enough to actually help me?

I didn't know how much longer I could last like this. Weeks? Days? Hours? I had no idea. But my thoughts, no matter how hard I tried to contain them, kept on floating over the the kitchen drawer.

The drawer with the knife.

The wound would heal in a matter of minutes, I knew that, but maybe the pain would be worth it? To feel that stinging, all the hurt I was feeling inside being released. After all, it wouldn't kill me, just help me out. For a small while anyway.

No, that was crazy. Why would I bother? I mean, it wouldn't solve my problems. It would just make me forget them for a few minutes. Then I would cut again, and again, and again.

But was that a bad thing? I mean, if cutting helped then why shouldn't I? Maybe I would go over to Bella's house and cut, then the bloodsucker would kill me. Bella would hate him for it and cry over my grave, realizing her true feelings for me.

I found myself smiling at the thought.

But Edward wouldn't kill me, I smelt terrible to him. So all it would do was raise questions, and then I would have tell them everything. But I couldn't let them find out, not at all.

But it was none of their business, who cared what they thought? They certainly didn't care what I thought! Billy wasn't not home... it would be the perfect time.

These constant battles had been fighting in my head for weeks. This time, I was going to do it. To put all my misery behind and feel the sweet, sweet, relief.

I slowly got up and walked into the kitchen. My hand shaking slightly, I opened the drawer and carefully took out the knife.

Was it really worth it doing?

I pressed the knife against my wrist, applying a little pressure. A small trickle of blood made it's way down my hand and landed on the ground beneath me. The small stinging sensation overwhelmed me... finally, everything I was feeling on the inside was being let out.

But it wasn't enough.

I gripped the knife tighter, preparing to go deeper.

The sound of the phone ringing brought me out of my trance. I dropped the knife in shock, my hands shaking once I realized what I'd been doing. I picked up the phone, aware of the fast healing of the wound.

"Jake here." I told them, my voice dry.

"Hey Jake, it's Bella." My heart gave a half twisted jolt. I was annoyed at myself, but happy to hear Bella's voice again. I wasn't sure why, after all, she was the cause of all my pain... wasn't she?

"Hey!" I said happily.

"Edward wanted to know if you could come and _babysit _me." she asked, her voice somewhat annoyed.

"Sure." I said, happy to get away from the temptations. "I'll meet you right away."

"Thanks, Jake." Bella told me gratefully. I hung up, my mind reeling.

I suddenly knew that I now had a reason not to harm myself, a reason to continue fighting.

Bella. I would do it for Bella.

Until her heart, or mine, stopped beating.


End file.
